BFF

I love watching my little girl get to know, and fall in love with, our dog Captain Pickles. They are quickly becoming best buddies and it warms my heart to see. I grew up with dogs in the family - so many dogs came and went in the course of my childhood. I also love animals so very much and I hope that I can pass on this love and appreciation to my daughter. I want her to dig going to the zoo and delight at the feeling of a big sloppy kiss from a hairy smelly dog.

She is at the age where she wants to touch everything and hold everything and inevitably put everything in her mouth. So, I encourage her exploration but also watch closely because she will (and has) take a toy fresh from the dog's mouth and put it right smack into hers. She loves the feeling of the dog's hair in her fingers but always comes away with a handful, which ends up in her mouth.

Soon she'll be walking and chasing the dog and I can't wait to see it happen.

Alone again

Spending the evening alone with the baby and the dog, again. Jacob is out having beers with the guys. The thing is, intellectually I understand that he needs a break and he needs to see his friends. But emotionally, I just hate it when he spends the night out away from us when he is already away all the time for work. I resent being here by myself because it feels like I'm in this by myself even when he's here. He's not here. When his phone rings, I get tense inside because I know it's one of the guys inviting him out for beers or video games or a movie or something that we both cannot attend because one of us, me, needs to stay home with the baby. Those boys do not understand what it's like to have a family and responsibilities. They still live in a world where you can up and take a road trip just because or stay up until 3am and head to Whataburger just because you want a snack. And they pull Jacob into their world when I wish our world of family was enough for him.

It's getting really hard to have Isabel at work with me every day. I love being with her and I love that she has bonded to me. But the more mobile she gets, the more impossible it seems that I will get any work done when I have her. New challenges and I'm just feeling a little bit beat down.

Challenges. Trials. Life.

Five months of mommying

Isabel Grace is five months old today. I am loving her more and more every day but I have to be honest, every day isn't a Hallmark hugs and snuggles kind of day. It's hard, really hard. But it is definitely getting easier. She's got more personality and wants more independence, though doesn't have the ability to get it just yet. 


Jacob has been going out of town a lot for work. That's the hardest part - being alone in this when I thought I would have a partner to go through it together. I didn't sign on to be a single parent. But we make it work. The worst part is that we get along well when he isn't here so that when he is here, it's a big adjustment for all of us to include him in the routine. It shouldn't be like that. Hopefully the travel will slow down so he can join this family we made. He says he wants to help so maybe soon he will get the chance to do so.


We're doing ok.

Three months

It's true. I am the mother of a three month old. She is feisty and stubborn and happy. She is just learning how to laugh, a sound I relish every time I hear it. She cries when she is in the wrong position, which happens a lot when it's time to eat. I try hard not to get frustrated with this little girl but it happens, more frequently than I care to admit. I have to try my very hardest next time, and all the time, because I get rewarded with a magical smile with two cute dimples and snuggles in my chest. I get to take her to work with me which means every single day, I see my little girl. I remind myself that I am lucky, this is glorious because at times it can be too much togetherness. When she's fussy, when she can't stop crying, the together time is just too much. So I put her down, even though it sets off even more crying, I take a breath, and I pick her up singing a silly song. I get that beautiful smile and all is well. Isabel is growing into a wonderful person and I get to see it happen every single day. Things are good.