Spending the evening alone with the baby and the dog, again. Jacob is out having beers with the guys. The thing is, intellectually I understand that he needs a break and he needs to see his friends. But emotionally, I just hate it when he spends the night out away from us when he is already away all the time for work. I resent being here by myself because it feels like I'm in this by myself even when he's here. He's not here. When his phone rings, I get tense inside because I know it's one of the guys inviting him out for beers or video games or a movie or something that we both cannot attend because one of us, me, needs to stay home with the baby. Those boys do not understand what it's like to have a family and responsibilities. They still live in a world where you can up and take a road trip just because or stay up until 3am and head to Whataburger just because you want a snack. And they pull Jacob into their world when I wish our world of family was enough for him.
It's getting really hard to have Isabel at work with me every day. I love being with her and I love that she has bonded to me. But the more mobile she gets, the more impossible it seems that I will get any work done when I have her. New challenges and I'm just feeling a little bit beat down.
Challenges. Trials. Life.
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